i went online and saw that the school has finally uploaded my timetable onto the portal,and i have the most strict and annoying teachers in school.the annoying part only goes for Brian Tan.oh god,i can't believe he's my history teacher.i wanted Mrs Chng but they gave me this idiot.i've had enough of him.ugh.anyway.i also have Ms Ng May Gay as my E Math teacher,Mr Ganesan as my A Math teacher,Ms Eunice Lee as my Chem teacher[she's this new teacher i don't know if she's any good though] and surprise,surprise,Mr Adam Kwa as my form teacher. :)
i don't know how to react to these news,i'm still dealing with the aftershock of it all.
but this coming year i'm going to make a change.and hell,no i won't let whatever teachers i get -good,or bad- affect my grades. Sec 3 is way too important.

and then i found out that i have a ton of uncompleted homework thats due first day of school.oh, please no. i'd better start on it.



oh my god i am so gonna kill arie. i don't know what the hell he did to tabitha,but right now she's so broken and she just sounds depressed. arsehole. sometimes i'm so sick of guys caring more about how other guys view them than girls.they're so insensitive all the time,sometimes even bordering on obnoxious,everything is always about them and their ever so important reputation of being a man.not a sissy thats in touch with his feminine side.

hah.



omg,i can't believe school is reopening so soon. i don't want! :( two months has just passed in a flurry.
i woke up at like 1.30 in the afternoon today.how'm i s'pposed to get up at 5.20am to get ready for school? okay i have to stop whining and start embracing school.not.oh God,please help me get through the coming school year.

i can't imagine sitting for tests and making friends all over again,braving class politics and doing homework every night.but part of me is pretty excited for school to reopen and seeing what God has in store for me this year.

anyway.stupid school hasn't uploaded the timetable for next year yet so i can't pack my schoolbag and get ready for school.i'm pretty anxious to know who will be teaching me next year.i hope i'll get great teachers (:





25 December 2007-Christmas day
Christmas was okay,i guess,but my mom got food poisoning.i felt so bad for her,getting food poisoning on Christmas.so anyway i went to uncle Brandon's house,and it was amazing i loved the black and white theme of his house.i liked his chandelier so much that i went to Life Storey at Great World to check it out today.he paid like $420 for a pair! i can't believe he actually paid like $210 each thats so cheap.then he told me they were on sale.it looked so expensive. so he cooked up many dishes,i had roast beef,turkey,pork chop,potato,ham and pineapple salad,green apple,walnut,golden raisin and celery salad,and seafood pasta.it was so good. then i went home and made the green apple salad the next day.i think by the time i got home i was little drunk.chardonnay and red wine.heh. so thats about it :)


24 December 2007-Christmas Eve

it was awful.absolutely awful.i had a family party and i hid in my cousin's room half the time,reading nancy drew and feeling like a complete loser.
for some reason i didn't enjoy it,even though everyone else sure did. i felt terrible.pathetic,and depressed.i felt shit enough as it was,then my uncle played colin ray.and it was the exact song that i love.oh god.so i returned to charlotte's room.
and then when i was hiding out in my cousin's room suddenly my cousin entered and asked me what was wrong cause apparently he had noticed that i was pretty absent and quiet during the party.he was with his girlfriend.and initially i didn't really want to talk about why i was so upset cause to tell you the truth,i don't even know.i was just depressed and on the verge of breaking down.

so i smiled and said i'm fine,nothing's wrong at all. and he didn't really buy it wanted to know what happened.
so i lied.
all of it.
i mean like come on.get real.anyone with a functioning brain will probably be smart enough not to tell the truth cause you know that if you were to tell the truth you'd be bawling your eyes out even before you started talking.
and hell,no i don't want to cry in front of my cousin.and his girlfriend.
so i quickly composed myself and gave a whole load of bollocks on being afraid that i won't be able to handle it when i go to sec 3 with the a maths and all.
i think i pulled it off pretty convincingly,cause my cousin's girlfriend happens to know a few friends who give a maths tuition.i mean like yeah i was worried about the whole a maths thing but i wasn't so upset about it to the extent that i'd bawl my eyes out.

and he was really nice about it.he told me that when he was in sec three he scored 49 for a maths. and he had to beg the teacher to let him pass.
the rest of the party was pretty uneventful for me.i pretended that i was fine for the rest of the night until i got home.and i read the card that my cousin wrote to me.

then i hid under the duvet with a tub of Ben & Jerry's in hand,crying for hours on end.

when i finally had enough of crying i started to do quiet time with two very,sore eyes.and that was when God spoke to me.



omg okay so yesterday me,priscilla and tab went for the christmas musical and it was amazing! seriously.like the auditorium was transformed into this sparkly place and there were spotlights and all.it was rather funny cause it was raining and everything that could've gone wrong started going wrong for me and pris.i planned my outfit like two weeks ago and then suddenly my mom refused to let me borrow her limited edition marks and spencer black satin heels.then it started to rain.and i was so wet,my dress was actually sticking onto my back.you think that was bad,wait till you hear the entire story.and i bought flowers for pris and tab and i had to carry them in the rain with a paperbag full of presents to distribute later and by the time i reached church the flowers looked like shite.and then we had to que up to get in for like maybe half an hour but thank god,pris's parents were there already so we could just join them.so the whole time we were queing we felt like total losers.haha.so while we were in the que i saw people from my school like cephas(sorry i might've spelled it wrongly) and my sci teacher,ms terri tan,and that wierd councillor guy.and then this bead fell off the hem of my dress and when we finally got into the auditorium i borrowed priscilla's glue and tried to glue the thing onto my dress and surprise,surprise,it actually held!

anyway it was all worth it.the musical was absolutely magical.nicole sprang out from the back and started dancing with this golden ball. omg she looked super cute okay.then we wanted to pass brandon his christmas present but it turned out that he went yesterday with all his school mates.so we passed his presents to his mom and she was so nice.she looks like a very smiley person.then we went to collect our dinner which was like some japanese thing and headed to the hawker centre.we had our dinner there and saw yvonne tan wearing her new levis! hahahaha she was so happy cause she liked it so much.then pris,tab,and i started talking about lesbians and bisexuals.then i went home with tab.the poor girl is afraid that she's turning into an ah lian. anyway there's cell next week! omg i miss everyone at cell.


omg,i cannot believe that i actually forgot to post this,but anyway that day i met dylan and it was so fun,cause he was strumming the guitar and so we did the Last Christmas song.i did melody and dylan played the tune on his guitar and he did harmony.omg we laughed like crazy.then we did more songs.i think i kept talking nonsense and he was fully aware of that,too.

i'm still talking nonsense to pris.
i can't believe i actually used alliteration in a conversation outside school.

such a sucker like the sucker should shoot the same small sheep who shits.


hey everyone, okay,so the thing is,there's this christmas musical at church tmr.and i've been planning to wear this red dress since like two weeks ago until i tried it on today to confirm the outfit that i'll be wearing tomorrow.and,as it turns out,its a little shorter than expected.so i completely panicked and called pris and she told me to calm down and just wear the dress cause it couldn't be all that short. and i want so,so badly to borrow my mom's brand new limited edition marks and spencer black satin heels and i'm going to ask her tonight.wish me luck.i hope she won't kill me.oh,my god i'm so afraid that the new dress will look too short.i've tried wearing black pants under it but it looks even worse.damn.
anyway.the great thing is,pris,tab and me are going for the same service and we can all wear our dresses together.i've mapped my whole day out already,and hell,am i going to be busy.i need to pick up roses.prepare the presents to be handed out and the cards.and many,many other things.

oh,i can't believe that christmas is here already.







hey everyone :) okay so i'm watching I Propose right now,and its really romantic.oh i like the idea of proposing on a yatch! she's so pretty.anyway.uhm tmr there's a soprano outing.i'm not sure if i'm going yet,i think i'll just ask abi if she's going.i cant believe Hady Mirza won,haha.like last night brandon messaged me at midnight telling me that hady won.but i only saw it this morning cause i was sleeping like a complete pig.heh.then he went to j.b with his friends today.don't ask me for what,cause i don't know.and i don't think i want to know,either.ahh i have nothing to say except that i'm pmsing and my darling brother is subject to my constant changes in mood.



hey everyone,i didnt post yesterday,but here's what i got to say.


hey everyone,sorry for not updating for the past few days,i've been pretty lazy.anyway.the whole of today was spent on researching on immigrating to Canada.my parents are really keen on immigrating to toronto,its easier for us to get a PR status cause my aunt's already a citizen there.my parents have started searching for jobs in Canada,and we're praying for God to give us confirmation signs as to whether we should go or not.we're aware that the first year will be like hell,but i suppose that its through the bad times that we learn to rely on God.people say that its when you're going through as much shit as you can possibly take and everything seems to be crumbling down on you,thats when God is working the most in your life.its funny,but i dont seem to mind going through hardship and toughing it out to emerge as a stronger person.canada is such a beautiful place,and i wouldnt mind living there.i haven't told anyone except vanessa about this yet,i just dont know how to.

hey.i dont know how to express the way i feel right now,but i guess lost would come close.i don't know where i'm headed,i don't know how i feel,its as though i don't know myself anymore.i pretend to be someone i'm not at school,just so that people will like me and i'll have friends.i sound so stupid saying that but its true.i've been pretending to be someone else i'm not the whole year,and i'm getting so sick of it.initially it was kinda fun cause i could be whoever i wanted to be,but now its not.
its just not fun anymore.

i suppose i've been pretending to be so many different people with everyone i meet,so much that i think i lost who i really am along the way.or should i say,who i was.people throw the phrase "be yourself" around all the time,but how're you supposed to be yourself,when you don't even know who yourself really is?it seems as if i don't have any close friends anymore.i'm not talking to brandon anymore for some reason which i am not aware of.i'm not gonna say who the other person is cause i know that she's gonna read this.its funny,but it seems as though i have only van to cling onto.thats what eight years of friendship does to you:)
oh god i just realised that i sound like a total loser here without any real friends but i'm past caring.i dont want to pretend like i have so many friends anymore,i don't want to pretend to be popular anymore. you can laugh at me and call me a loser all you like,but thats not going to stop me from finding friends again.real ones.

sometimes i feel as though i have no one to talk to except my parents.but maybe i just have to learn that friends may come and go,but God never stops loving and being here for you whenever you need Him.
anyway.i posted the lyrics of this song to express how i feel at this point of time.

I am moving through the crowd
Trying to find myself
Feel like a guitar that's never played
Will someone strum away?

And I ask myself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
And invent a whole new me
And I tell myself
No one, no one
Don't wanna be
No one
But me

You are moving through the crowd
Trying to find yourself
Feel like a doll left on a shelf
Will someone take you down?

And you ask yourself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
and invent a whole new me
Gotta tell yourself
No One, no one
Don't wanna be
No one
But me

Your life plays out on the shadows of the wall
You turn the light on to erase it all
You wonder what it's like to not feel worthless
So open all the blinds and draw the curtains

No One, no one
Don't wanna be
No one
But me

hey everyone okay so i'm back again:)
anyway so yesterday me and pris,nicole,anna,jamie,tab,von,and peter went to the airport to pick wenli up.haha she's back from london! :D it was so nice to hear her talking rubbish again.so we were all like preparing to hide behind the pillars and potted plants and wait till she comes out from the baggage collection area to surprise her cause she has no idea that we were gonna be there to welcome her back.haha so then suddenly she walked up to us and gave us all a shock cause she was like uh hi what are you guys doing here and we didn't even know that she was out already.haha so then we went to swensens to eat and catch up and we made so much noise there.we updated wenli on von's stalker and we were all laughing at shady.aw poor guy.haha von thinks he's a total loser.so then i asked wenli if she has used to calvin klein underwear that we got her as a farewell present and she said that it was private. HAHAHA she's just as wierd as ever.so then we heard that she has a new boyfriend in oxford and we started asking questions like whether her boyfriend is chinese or some english guy.haha she started talking nonsense and told us about her "boyfriend" and no one believed her cause she's like the worst liar ever.

haha she said his name is andre gonzales and he's half portuguese,half mexican then we were all wondering why his first name's like french and his surname's like italian or spanish or something.then we lapped it all up and asked how they met.so in true wenli china scholar form,she said that they met in a library and everyone started laughing.so she was like,what? the library is a very hip place okay! which made everyone laugh all the more.so then she went on to explain that they had been on the opposite sides of the bookshelf and both of them happened to pull out the same book and they saw each other and it was like true love! ahahahahah i almost spit out my water man.then we sang birthday songs for nicole and tabitha and they blew out the candles.a little while later people at this table started to sing a birthday song for this girl too and they were so much louder than us even though they had lesser people.so we decided to get back at them,except that we had no one else to sing the song to.so then we decided,hey why not sing for wenli since she wont be in singapore for her birthday?

we practically shouted the whole song.
haha.then we all found out that tab's a good kisser! she can use her tongue to tie a knot in a cherry stem.oh,sorry,make that a good french kisser.
mon dieu,she gave me a shock okay.
so then i went back home and tried it.
i failed on my first attempt but then i tried again and i was able to tie a knot! :D but it was kind of tiring,if you get what i mean,cause of all the tongue action.

hey everyone! :D okay so this is gonna be real short,cause i'm baking now with my mom.we're baking a cake! some sultana and cranberry cake.anyway.i have flour on my face as i'm typing this now and its super fun:) okay gotta go,the cake's done! :D

omg okay so tmr our cell will be going to the airport to pick wenli up and its gonna be a suprise cause no one's s'pposed to tell her anything about picking her up and its gonna be so fun:) okay i realise that i'm talking rubbish but please,please bear with me for awhile:) okay so tmr also happens to be nicole's birthday.everyone misses wenli and i think we're gonna arrange some cell outing to welcome her back.okay thats all,i have to go cause my mom's ragging on me again.bye!

hi everyone! :D i'm back from my holiday and it was great.actually i landed on sat morning,except that i was too tired to blog about my holiday.heh.anyway i'll go through it now.basically i did alot of shopping,but i bought only two pairs of shoes and one bag throughout the whole trip though.i bought countless clothes and it was awesome.i got food poisoning there,dont ask me how i got it cause i dont know too,i mean like we didn't eat those dirty street hawker food,we ate at restaurants and somehow i got food poisoning.god,the pain was crazy.it was like on and off,with five minute intervals.and then i got a haircut which was a complete disaster.i have like bangs now and my once soft and straight hair is gone and its replaced with wire like hair and i look horrible.i look better when i tie my hair up.oh yeah and i bought contacts there too.i had one hell of a time trying to get it in and taking it out,seeing that it was my first time using contacts,but it felt awesome:D

so thats basically it.
so after i landed and reached home i got some sleep and then i got up and went for cell.cell was really good,you could feel god's presence there.hey and pastor peter came! haha.so funny then we talked for awhile about shady.oh the poor guy got the shock of his life when i told him that von was a lesbian.HAHAHAHAHAHA oh i am so,so mean.

seriously.he gave me some incoherent crap about not being able to believe it.oh hell yeah,you'd better believe it.
then we had service and nicole went crazy she kept laughing at everything.she found the chewing gum brand chiclets hilarious.

after service i went to uncle glenn's house where we were having some family gathering.i played a board game with charlotte and the other cousins.but through it all i wasnt really there.all i did was to spin the wheel and move my piece.i found out that brandon was sniffing muscle relaxant spray,which made him go all high.i got really scared of him cause he kept laughing to himself.i think i was sort of disappointed in him.i thought he was more than that.
and for some reason which i'm not aware of,i was depressed on sat.

then i cried myself to sleep.