hey.i dont know how to express the way i feel right now,but i guess lost would come close.i don't know where i'm headed,i don't know how i feel,its as though i don't know myself anymore.i pretend to be someone i'm not at school,just so that people will like me and i'll have friends.i sound so stupid saying that but its true.i've been pretending to be someone else i'm not the whole year,and i'm getting so sick of it.initially it was kinda fun cause i could be whoever i wanted to be,but now its not.
its just not fun anymore.

i suppose i've been pretending to be so many different people with everyone i meet,so much that i think i lost who i really am along the way.or should i say,who i was.people throw the phrase "be yourself" around all the time,but how're you supposed to be yourself,when you don't even know who yourself really is?it seems as if i don't have any close friends anymore.i'm not talking to brandon anymore for some reason which i am not aware of.i'm not gonna say who the other person is cause i know that she's gonna read this.its funny,but it seems as though i have only van to cling onto.thats what eight years of friendship does to you:)
oh god i just realised that i sound like a total loser here without any real friends but i'm past caring.i dont want to pretend like i have so many friends anymore,i don't want to pretend to be popular anymore. you can laugh at me and call me a loser all you like,but thats not going to stop me from finding friends again.real ones.

sometimes i feel as though i have no one to talk to except my parents.but maybe i just have to learn that friends may come and go,but God never stops loving and being here for you whenever you need Him.
anyway.i posted the lyrics of this song to express how i feel at this point of time.

I am moving through the crowd
Trying to find myself
Feel like a guitar that's never played
Will someone strum away?

And I ask myself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
And invent a whole new me
And I tell myself
No one, no one
Don't wanna be
No one
But me

You are moving through the crowd
Trying to find yourself
Feel like a doll left on a shelf
Will someone take you down?

And you ask yourself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
and invent a whole new me
Gotta tell yourself
No One, no one
Don't wanna be
No one
But me

Your life plays out on the shadows of the wall
You turn the light on to erase it all
You wonder what it's like to not feel worthless
So open all the blinds and draw the curtains

No One, no one
Don't wanna be
No one
But me