Wednesday, December 26, 2007
a white christmas at 12:59 PM
24 December 2007-Christmas Eve
it was awful.absolutely awful.i had a family party and i hid in my cousin's room half the time,reading nancy drew and feeling like a complete loser.
for some reason i didn't enjoy it,even though everyone else sure did. i felt terrible.pathetic,and depressed.i felt shit enough as it was,then my uncle played colin ray.and it was the exact song that i love.oh god.so i returned to charlotte's room.
and then when i was hiding out in my cousin's room suddenly my cousin entered and asked me what was wrong cause apparently he had noticed that i was pretty absent and quiet during the party.he was with his girlfriend.and initially i didn't really want to talk about why i was so upset cause to tell you the truth,i don't even know.i was just depressed and on the verge of breaking down.
so i smiled and said i'm fine,nothing's wrong at all. and he didn't really buy it wanted to know what happened.
so i lied.
all of it.
i mean like come on.get real.anyone with a functioning brain will probably be smart enough not to tell the truth cause you know that if you were to tell the truth you'd be bawling your eyes out even before you started talking.
and hell,no i don't want to cry in front of my cousin.and his girlfriend.
so i quickly composed myself and gave a whole load of bollocks on being afraid that i won't be able to handle it when i go to sec 3 with the a maths and all.
i think i pulled it off pretty convincingly,cause my cousin's girlfriend happens to know a few friends who give a maths tuition.i mean like yeah i was worried about the whole a maths thing but i wasn't so upset about it to the extent that i'd bawl my eyes out.
and he was really nice about it.he told me that when he was in sec three he scored 49 for a maths. and he had to beg the teacher to let him pass.
the rest of the party was pretty uneventful for me.i pretended that i was fine for the rest of the night until i got home.and i read the card that my cousin wrote to me.
then i hid under the duvet with a tub of Ben & Jerry's in hand,crying for hours on end.
when i finally had enough of crying i started to do quiet time with two very,sore eyes.and that was when God spoke to me.
You were there when i needed You the most
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