today was the best day ever. seriously. i'm at trevor's house now,typing this. i had an amazing day ok my class got scolded but lets not focus on the bad things. so i'll share about all the awesome things that happened. ok lets start with e math class. i know i shouldnt say it here cause for all i know, teachers are reading this so i'll just reveal this bit. thank you kelly lim for saving me! :D

and history class was hilarious we learnt about communism and about north korea's leader who calls himself the majestic father of korea or something. bryan han is so funny. i think going to history class is always a joy cause you can be sure people arent afraid to question mr tan and he'll always tell us funny anecdotes about people in history. like that one time he told us about the first tank that was ever created. the british created it. and they loved it cause they felt so clever to be able to invent something that was as frightening as a tank.

the thing is,the tank was so freaking loud, the enemies could hear them coming miles away. and when they reached the enemies' base,the enemy was already there,expecting them. HAHAHA wait till you hear the rest. the first tank that was created had an exhaust pipe.
but the thing is,the exhaust pipe was INSIDE the tank. and all the soldiers inside the tank concussed and had psychological problems for the rest of their lives cause of all the gas they breathed in. HAHAHA. apparently the gas made them grumpy and they were grumpy old men for the rest of their lives! HAHAHA.
so you see. this is a classic example of why we love history class.

okay,sorry for the digression. back to how awesome my day was.
so now i'm in trevor's house and it was so funny after school i went to his house and mrs crosby was so nice she made me sit down and have a nice cup of tea. so after tea we went out to the backyard to play soccer and you know how bad i am at it. so trevor taught me how to kick it into the net and after a few attempts he decided to be the goalkeeper and he told me to try to get it in. so i kicked.

and i hit trevor's head with the ball!


HAHAHAHA i was like oh my god,are you okay,are you okay?? then i couldnt help it i just started laughing so hard cause it was so funny to see the look of horror on his face and that's when it started raining. but i wanted to do one last kick so we made it a quick one. and just when my foot touched the ball i slipped and fell on my butt and i was like laughing so hard,my stomach hurt, and i was going like,ow ow ow! and trevor was standing there grinning like mad so i kicked his leg and made him slip and fall onto the grass. we were both so muddy and disgusting but we just sat there laughing. i love hanging out with trevor. and when we went back in mrs crosby said, "you too look disgusting,with the mud and all that. go take a shower." and i was like, "thanks. man i feel so attractive right now." and she laughed and gave me a towel. so i got a shower and changed into trevor's tshirt which is huge and now we're going to the ice cream parlor.

okay so i didnt go to school today,was sick. stayed at home and watched a clip of brandon's choir performing at VCH a few weeks ago. it was quite funny,you know,their hand actions and all cause i cant imagine brandon doing all the gay hand and finger twirling. but he did. haha.

in the morning i messaged pris and apologized for being such a horrible,horrbile bitch of a friend cause i was so self centred and didnt really care about other people's problems i just wanted to solve mine.and thank God,she's not mad at me. i miss talking to her.its been too long. i love you,pris :)

then i talked to trevor in the afternoon and it was nice cause he made me laugh so hard and lighten up about my chem test. seriously if you're ever sad go talk to trevor! i spoke to mrs crosby and she invited me over for dinner so i'll be going over tmr after school to play till dinner.whee :)

omg,i really want to go to the ACJC staged production of Pride and Prejudice,but my parents said that i shouldnt go cause i'll reach home at like 11.30 and i have to shower,blow dry my hair, and i have school the next day :(
oh well.its ok i'll just get charmaine to tell me how it went.she's going to support Nicholas who landed the leading role of Mr Darcy :)

i'm feeling happier already,for some reason. oh shoot. time to go, have to revise for my chem test.

*go check out Accidentally in love by Counting Crows,its awesome. and at the same time,go catch Big Yellow Taxi :)

ciao.





hi everyone. today was awful right from the start. ahh so many things went wrong, where should i start? okay i'll just list everything out : my a math file was so thin and i think i'll be totally getting whacked by mr ganesan but by the end of school i was just so sick of everything i didnt have the mood to fret and run around finding a solution to my problem. then yesterday i found out that IL and MT had been together when i liked him and i was so stupid i thought they were just friends so i told MT that i liked IL. oh god, what was i thinking? ugh. but it was like two years ago and there's nothing i can do now cause its wayy too late. some things really pissed me off and made me depressed all over again but i won't list them here cause i know people are reading this. ok now here's the best part of the day. after school ended i went to my dental clinic in orchard to get my retainers. i cant speak properly in them and its quite annoying cause i sound like i've got short tongue, but i dont. i really dont! haha. ok so after dental i met calvin for lunch and it was nice to see him again. we ate at the food section in tangs and then we got onto the train home. then he took his laptop out and we watched dvds and played inkball in the train. and he changed alot really like he used to hide my schoolbag in mcdonalds and refuse to return it to me but now he's more gentlemanly. like he made sure that i entered the train before him,entered the lift before him,and walked me home which was nice.

okay so i'm gonna end here and post a few photos up there which were long overdue cause of my stupidity i didnt even know how to post pictures until like now so yeah. take a look :)

i didnt go to school today, got referred to some psychiatrist by my doctor which is really stupid cause i have to go for counselling on a weekly basis. i'm not mad or like some crazy wacko who slashes her wrists.i'm just a sad person. not everyone who goes to IMH is mad. i'm so sick of people telling me, "take it easy,don't be such a perfectionist,you're only fifteen." casue thats bullshit, how exactly do you take things easy? is there a formula,or something that you have to do to change your attitude and stop taking things so hard? cause if there's one,i'd like to know it. people say,take it easy,lighten up, but you know what? everyone who's told that to me couldn't tell me exatly how to go about doing that.

i'm sick of not having anyone who understands how i feel,i'm sick of being sick of how everytime i scroll through my contacts list,i don't see a single name in there-out of that 223 contacts that i have-that i want to pour out my feelings to,i'm sick of pretending like i'm fine,i'm sick of holding back my tears not daring to cry even when i'm alone,and even when i do cry,i'm sick of chatising myself for crying.because crying is a waste of time and it does no one good.i'm sick of having to put on a false front i want to let it go,let it all out,but no one's there to hear me,no one's there to empathise,cause eveyone's so caught up with their own lives and i hate to cry in front of people and pour out my whole sob story.



i want empathy,not sympathy.