Temperature's not getting any lower, but I'm dancing around the house to Danity Kane's Damaged.

I drank until I didn't see the regret in my husband's eyes.
I drank until even he could plainly see that I was a failure.
I drank until I couldn't feel anything, most of all his touch.

I think there was a part of me that knew if I drove him away, I would never have to say I'd been left behind.





Given the chance, we don't have to wait for someone to make messes of our lives.
We do a good enough job, ourselves.
We make messes of our lives, but every now and then, we manage to do something thats exactly right.
The challenge is figuring out which is which.

Dont tell me you care for me because half the time you dont give a damn about my existence.












































More up soon.


Hi everyone, I'm back from Kunming and I have nothing to say about the trip except that it was amazing. I've travelled to so many different countries and had so much fun, but this Internationalisation Trip takes the cake. Sat for awhile in TCC with the rents and Amos, filling them in on details. Am waiting for my hair to dry as I blog now.

I feel messed up in some ways, yet also happy because this trip was truly mind blowing.
Will not elaborate, just need to call Van tmr morning to tell her all thats going on and sit there for hours just analysing every minute detail until I get an answer.




We had the farewell party on Saturday and I must say, it was very well planned. Kudos to Sin ee, Nic and whoever who planned it.
I could really see the effort that they put into organizing this and I swear, I was so touched.

Saturday was filled with tears because I couldnt stop crying but it was fun like hell, nonetheless. The party kicked off at around 2pm where we met at Astons and omg, Jamie got this helium balloon for me which read, Sorry you're leaving.
Haha oh isnt that cute!
And I got this white flower that was absolutely beautiful I actually got fooled into thinking that it was real, only after while then I realised that the stem felt plasticky. HAHA

After lunch we headed to Ben & Jerry's and sat in a circle. So yvonne said that we would go one round and everyone would take turns to affirm me, after which I'd say something that I wanted to say to the cell. So basically everyone said that I brought alot of life to the cell and that they always looked forward to hearing me share about my week. Also that I was always very honest and willing to be vulnerable to share things with the cell, even though sometimes its hard.
Then I talked about how grateful I am to Yvonne for countless things I needed guidance for and how she helped me through many things that I wounldnt have went through if not for her.

Then I got this box. This box I loved every bit of it-it was my favourite part of the whole day it was like all my christmases came true- it had pictures of black heels,ranging from platforms to wedges to stilettos, and inside the box it contained letters, many of them from every cell member (with the exception of brandon) and one bottle of dettol hand sanitizer. I wanted to cry when I saw the hand sanitizer because everyone knows that I carry one with me all the time and well,because it was so me.

Then we left for service and they took turns to pray for me and Yvonne got a vision which was absolutely amazing. She saw this horse and she thinks that it means that even when times get hard and I dont think I can do it anymore God will strengthen me to become as strong as a horse, and I'll continue galloping, and galloping, and running the race.
I actually have 1 Corinthians


Then after service Sin ee asked if she could pray for me and told me that she saw this door. This door with a huge X over it, and the door leads to this room where all the things that I dont want people to know about me are chucked in it. I throw all my darkest secrets inside and lock the room up. She told me that God is inside the room, he knows all my darkest secrets and fears, and he still loves me despite of all the terrible things I've done and he's knocking. He's knocking from the inside of the room for the door to be opened because the only way of cleaning that room is to open that door.

And that was particularly amazing because its true. I have that room inside my heart.

So she prayed for me and we talked for awhile and then it was time. I got very emotional at the end about leaving I started sobbing ok, no, like you should've seen the unglam bloodshot eyes staring out at you. I hugged everyone and Nicole said she wanted an extra long hug and sarah gave me some words of advice and booked me for the first day of term to go out omg,I love her.

Then I hugged Sin ee, Crystal and Yvonne and I wanted to cry when I saw Yvonne's face- it had this wierd expression, like she didnt know what to do except to hug me. She told me to tell her how it goes in NCC and feel free to text or call her anytime if I needed someone to talk to.
I'll miss them all like mad. Sin ee's the bomb I dont know how I grew an emotional attachment to her in such a short span of time, for pete's sake.


I went home and put all the pictures I had of the cell in the box and shelved it, stepping into a new chapter of my life.