Its been four years since you messed up my life and not a day goes by that I dont think of you and how if given a chance I'd do it differently and get my life in order.

Just thinking about you makes me sick in the gut.
I go through it every single day silently wishing you were still here with me, going through all of it with me.


I cant forgive myself because it is too big a mistake to ever forgive.

I cant help but imagine what life would be like if I didnt make such big mistakes years ago that still haunts me to this day.


I hate you and then I love you.







Whoever reads this, dont even bother asking what its all about, because honestly, you dont want to know.

And I wouldnt even tell you anyway -regardless of who you are.





Prasanna said when taking the shot above, "Wait wait must capture the shoes, must get the shoes"
Best Quote Ever.



HAHAHAHAHA I look drunk in the Fusion shot w Delia. 2nd picture.

Below 40= Not girlie
Above 40= Girlie
Above 55= Paris Hilton

[x] My fingernails/toenails are almost always painted.
[x] During the summer pretty much the only shoes I wear are flip flops.
[] My favorite toy as a child were barbies.
[] My favorite color is pink or purple.
[] I did Gymnastics.
[x] I love skirts/shorts
[ ] Hollister is my favorite place to shop.
[] Tight jeans are the only jeans I'll wear.
[x] I love chocolate.

TOTAL SO FAR:4

[] I straighten my hair.
[x] I have at least 8 facebook pictures.
[x] I usually go shopping once a week.
[x] I love to hang out with friends.
[x] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace.
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon.
[x] I've gone to the beach to tan - not to swim.
[x] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes.
[x] I watch(ed) either The OC, Laguna Beach OR Desperate Housewives.
[] I change my profile weekly.
[x] I have worn a shower cap.

TOTAL SO FAR: 12

[] I would NEVER step foot into Hot Topic.
[x] My cell phone might as well become a part of me.
[ ] I wear mascara everyday. Can’t leave the house without it.
[] I've been or am on a diet.
[x] Bathing suits are adorable.
[ ] I don't know the difference between a sheep and a goat.
[x] Big sunglasses are hot.
[x] I have gotten my nails done.
[x] I own over 10 purses.
[] Much Music is my one of my favorite channels.

TOTAL SO FAR: 17

[] I like to talk about boys.
[x] I love to have other people do my hair.
[x] I like to give and receive hugs from all my friends.
[x] I hate bugs.
[x] Carnivals are so fun!
[x] Summer is THE best season.
[x] My swimsuit has 2 pieces.
[x] I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor. He'll come someday.
[] Musicians are hot.


TOTAL SO FAR:24

[x]I'm self-conscious.
[] I cry often.
[ ] My room smells like vanilla.
[x] My dishes get washed more then once a week.
[x] I don't do sports
[] I HATE to run.
[] I squeal when I am surprised.
[x] I eat dried fruit as a snack.
[x] I love romance novels.
[x] Drew Barrymore is so cute.

TOTAL SO FAR: 30

[x] I dance a lot. Randomly.
[] I usually spend over an hour to get ready to leave my house.
[x] My hair is important.
[x] I love to get dressed up.
[x] Every part of my outfit needs to match.
[x] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends.
[] I'd love to have a photo shoot of myself.
[x] The price on clothes hardly matters.
[ ] I apply lip gloss 50 times a day...
[] I wish I were a model…

TOTAL SO FAR: 36

[] I wish I could meet Paris Hilton.
[] I wanted or have been something that was *hoochie* on Halloween.
[x ] R&B is the best music.
[ ] I pop my collar.
[x] Guys with Mohawks are GROSS!
[] Horses are beautiful.
[] I never pay attention in school...
[] Cats are adorable.

TOTAL SO FAR: 38

[] I write my own music.
[x] I would love to visit Hawaii.
[x] Valentine's day is so cute!
[ ] White is better than black...
[x] I wouldn't be caught dead in all black.
[x] My closet is STOCK FULL of clothes.
[x] I hate the grunge look of a beard.
[x] I love to read magazines.

TOTAL SO FAR: 44

[x] I love lip gossip.
[x] I love Celine Dion.
[ ] My baths are 2 hours long.
[] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned.
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other.
[x] I like kids.
[] Diet drinks are the best.
[] I have been a vegetarian.
[] I refuse to eat at McDonald's.
TOTAL SO FAR: 47

[x] I check my Facebook everyday.
[x] I have a lot of jewelry
[] My screen name[s] has x's in them.
[] Either one of my msn names has/had <3/♥'s in them.
[ ] I would never want to be the opposite sex.
[x] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed.

GRAND TOTAL:50


SEE I'm not a Paris Hilton.


Stopped uploading any pictures on blogger because its too bloody slow and besides its all on facebook.
Been awhile since I gave a proper update about where I've been, whats been happening and whats to come so yes I'll do it now.

Where I've been:

Too much to share I'm always out anyway but from what I can remember I'll update yall on the most recent outings.

Shopping with Van for new outfits for the very busy month of May where plenty of exciting things are happening :)
I found my dream dress, oh my god I almost died when I found it. Finally after scouting all the usual places like Zara, Topshop, Miss Selfridge, FCUK, Warehouse, Dorothy Perkins.

Van says it looks really good so Thank God.

Oh yes went to Zouk with Van. Got a tad drunk having dinner the night before.

Been stressed at school and am indulging in retail therapy on weekends now that my exams are over.
Need a new bag, new shoes, new top to wear with my new Zara jeans, new denim shorts and maybe a new sun dress - I know, I just bought a dress but still.

Been out studying with Brandon at the usual place, hmm what else. Oh breakfast with Trevor at Dempsey, talking on the phone with Van for ages.

Events that are coming up:

MSND Musical (Did I tell you that I really like watching musicals)
Vanessa's birthday dinner at Double Bay
Daddy's birthday brunch at Shangri la
Getting my Dad a Tiffany ring for his birthday I hope he likes it.
Figuring out what to get Van for her birthday
Sleepover at my place when the 'rents are out of town.

Oh Brandon made me listen to this song on his ipod that day and I fell in love with it. Posted the lyrics here I think my life story is in there.

I'll be there

You've felt alone since you were only seven
Your mother didn't have a clue what to do
You've cried each night until you were eleven
You prayed that God will bring your daddy back to you

It got much worse when you were in high school
From guy to guy you wondered why you never felt a thing
You wondered if you'd ever find a lover
Who'd some day get down on his knees holding that diamond ring

The summer's taking me to California
But I wont go until you know that what I say is true
When everything you've ever loved has left you
I'll be there
I'll be there for you

Your senior year you and your friends went crazy
But then you found out who your friends really were
You were betrayed by everyone who mattered
So you drank until it all became a blur

But don't forget about when I first met you
Well I can see your pain too deep to kiss away
You thought that I would be another letdown
So here I am proving to you that I am here to stay

The summer's taking me to California
But I wont go until you know that what I say is true
When everything you've ever loved has left you
I'll be there
I'll be there for you

I don't want to leave you lonely
I just want to be right there
Even if you don't believe me
I will try to make it clear

The summer's taking me to California
But I wont go until you know that what I say is true
When everything you've ever loved has left you
I'll be there
I'll be there for you

Hahahaha its a deal.
If I get into trouble I'll call Brandon and he'll come bail me out.
Even if its in the middle of the night he says he'll come to get me home.
HAHAHA I was so touched okay Yay Hahaha Brandon I love you!